The Good, The Bad And The Ugly of Hoarding in the Mainstream
Posted: September 7th, 2010 | Author: Dariane | Filed under: Thoughts | 16 Comments »Up until just a few years ago, if you weren’t living in it the only way anyone knew that hoarding behavior existed was that old story about the famed Collyer Brothers. Now with featured episodes on Oprah, as well as the several television shows that have found a growing success covering it, hoarding is now gaining more and more mainstream media attention. This is bringing both good and bad not only to hoarding or chronically disorganized families, but to people all over the world.
With last night’s Season 2 premiere of Hoarders on A&E, I’d like to chip in my own two cents about how these shows are affecting our perception of the people affected by hoarding behavior.
The Ugly: How It Affects Viewers With Hoarding Histories
I remember when ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition first aired, it was inspiring to see people’s lives change when their house was rebuilt and redesigned. All the people seemed to have some important community involvement or was ill with an incurable disease. I wondered to myself when they would makeover a really messy house.
Then I saw Style Network’s Clean House. I loathed everything about that show. The host was sassy and often seemingly inconsiderate.
The team that would help the client consisted mostly of actors, comedians and entertainers; all people who didn’t really help the person and instead made borderline insulting jokes about the client’s belongings.
I did enjoy when they organized items to sell at a yard sale and all the money would go to renovating the house. But I hated the fact that clients’ houses were NOT THAT MESSY. Sure they were cluttered, but the mess wasn’t life threatening or debilitating like my house. I hated that these people who had it better than me was getting this much help. And I hated that they were getting made fun of for entertainment’s sake. I simply could not stand watching this show.
Then came the one that took exposure to the next level: A&E’s Hoarders. Done in a dramatic documentary style, this show was incredibly far ahead of Clean House in terms of professionalism, respect, compassion, and actually getting started on solving some very real and serious problems these people face.
My first impression of the show was positive: finally a show displaying this issue in a realistic light. Then I was flooded by many more emotions:
I was fascinated by the similarities my family and I had with the people on the TV.
I felt exposed, as a deep dark secret had been revealed to the world.
I was curious as to how their problems would be dealt with and hopefully solved.
I was disgusted by all the rotten food, feces, and trash that these people had in their homes.
I felt jealous that these people were getting help while I wasn’t, while I couldn’t.
I felt sorry for these people and their problems, yet sympathetic (especially towards the children) because I knew what they felt.
I was relieved to learn that my family and I are not alone.
Yet when people would talk about the show in real life around me, I grew uneasy because I didn’t know how to talk about this issue in public. I still feel uneasy talking about hoarding, let alone this project and website, to anyone.
The Bad: Reactions from the Average Viewer
Shock & Awe
Being a passive viewer not just with these shows, but any television show or film you watch can be very dangerous. You need to keep in mind that every single aspect of what you see and hear is a decision made by the production. The camera angles, the footage, the editing, the music and sound are all decided by someone who may have various motivations, including shock & awe.
For example in Hoarders, you may see close-up shots of a particular disgusting item in the hoard coupled with dramatic music and soundbites from the hoarders themselves. With this you’ll have to ask yourself, is production depicting these people as realistic as they can? Or are they dramatizing these people to elicit a reaction from the audience?
Hoarders' Season 2 Premiere Ad Campaign
Is it more educational? Or is it more entertainment? Edu-tainment?
After watching the show, most viewers are left feeling disgusted and motivated to clean their own homes so they avoid becoming like the hoarders they see on TV. Although there are a few sympathetic viewers, most are not and they make jokes and insulting remarks at the hoarders’ expense.
To this extent, I often wonder if A&E and the other networks want to exploit these people and their problems solely for the sake of entertainment. Their portrayals turn helpless humans with serious problems into freaks of nature. “I’m not one of those people,” thinks the viewer, thereby distancing any relatable humanity and making it easier to put those people down in their minds.
Is it any wonder that with such scrutiny, hoarders are becoming even less willing to come forward and ask for help?
And don’t even get me started on Lindsay Lohan claiming she’s a hoarder. Is the problem so “out there” that celebrities can claim to have the problem for media attention? Ugh. That’s a whole other issue that this growing mainstream coverage is causing.
Hoarders has since spawned copycat shows including TLC’s Hoarding: Buried Alive and Animal Planet’s Confessions: Animal Hoarding.
The Good: Help Exists, Go Out And Get It
Despite all of the negative reactions and whatever negative motivations behind these shows, the people featured on these shows are getting real help from real professionals who are familiar with hoarding. Let me tell you, as someone who’s lived with this for years, just knowing that help exists can be a huge relief.
Photo by emdot, via CC 2.0
The professionals featured on Hoarders are the perfect mix of intelligence, eloquence, patience and compassion (at least as they’re depicted). Unlike the folks at Clean House, these people are trained, certified and certainly know what they’re doing. On top of that, they want so much to genuinely help their clients. For every person that trivializes hoarding, there is someone else who sympathizes and wants to see the problem overcome.
The hoarders on these shows have a unique opportunity to change their lives for the better, to stop living with such a huge secret to hide. As the Talmud says, “Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.”
We’re Not Alone
Because this show is broadcast nationally, this message of hope can reach hoarders and their families from all over. Knowing that there are others out there who are struggling with similar problems can be a very comforting thought.
Hoarders and their families are finding support from various communities online such as the non-profit Children of Hoarders, Inc. and others. Many are only coming forward now that hoarding has been brought to the national spotlight. The Hoarders website even has a very active message board in which people discuss not only the episodes but they’re own experiences with hoarding and resources for treatment. And although I don’t have any numbers to back this up, I can imagine that professional organizers who specialize in chronic disorganization are getting more inquiries and more business.
Without Hoarders, there would be no Stuff Project
I can’t tell you how hopeful I felt after watching an episode for the first time, after thinking for years that this overwhelming problem could never go away. The hope that my situation can change feeds into the energy I have day to day as I work on cleaning my house.
It sounds cliché, but I truly have hope for a better tomorrow and I refuse to let that hope die.
Sure, I constantly fear that people will perceive me and my family as being gross, crazy, or utterly disgusting. But you know what? I write because this is my reality, and you can take it or leave it.
There are still people out there who do not recognize hoarding as a problem and there are people out there who want to help but don’t fully understand the condition. If Hoarders has taught me anything it’s that now more than ever I need to tell my own story: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I watch Hoarders, but I’m more a fan of TLC’s Hoarding: Buried Alive. That show has a much greater focus on getting the hoarder psychological help. If you like the professionals on Hoarders, you will love the ones on Hoarding: Buried Alive. They really take you step-by-step through working with the hoarder’s issues. At the end of the episode, the house is usually not perfect, but the hoarder is on his way to a lasting recovery.
A&E Hoarders deliberately seeks out people in crisis–they’re about to lose their homes, or lose custody of their kids, or go to jail, or some such deadline–so they can justify giving them only two days to clean up their mess. It creates a much more “dramatic” (read: intense, frustrating, and volatile) situation for everyone concerned. The hoarder is given funds for aftercare–he can get six months of paid services with either a professional organizer or a counselor–but that counseling process is never shown, so beyond that it’s shock-and-awe television.
I have watched Clean House, and girl, you and I are gonna fight, ’cause I love me some Niecy Nash!
Thing is, that show is not geared towards dealing with actual hoarders. As you point out, the people featured on those shows don’t have near the amount of stuff you have. (That doesn’t mean that the person’s chronic disorganization isn’t causing them serious problems. There have been several episodes featuring unhappy spouses/kids/partners/etc. who lives were being negatively impacted by the clutter.) And the cast members are experts in their own fields–Trish is a great organizer, Matt knows a great deal about how to fix things, and the redecorating Mark’s able to do on a limited budget is incredible. But Clean House has never been about dealing with hoarders.
That said, they have run into a few bona fide hoarders. The winner of Clean House’s annual Messiest House in America contest a couple of years back was a woman in Cincinnati who had so much stuff packed into her house that they had to rent a shopping center to house it for the yard sale (they raised over $13,000 in that sale–a new show record). Her emotional reactions were terrible, too–she kept saying her hoard was merely the natural accumulation of items over thirty years. She verbally abused her daughter something awful during clean up, and when they finally got everything organized, she accused the show’s producers of stealing her grandmother’s purses. When she was proven wrong , she fled the taping and refused to return. Nicey and Co. were clearly out of their depth with this woman.
Having dipped my toe into Hoarders/Hoarding fan-dom, it’s not been my experience that most fans are making jokes and insulting remarks at the hoarders’ expense. The overwhelming majority of fans have a hoarder in their lives and are looking for support. Sure, there are a few trolls, and there are also people who just don’t get that hoarding is a mental illness (they accuse the people appearing on the show of being “lazy”). But most of them are sympathetic, and are cheering for the hoarders featured on the show to overcome their illness.
I also have not seen any evidence that hoarders are becoming less willing to step forward and get help. I’m certain that some of them are, but as I understand it the shows have become a great stepping stone for people to open up conversations about hoarding with others.
Finally, the increased visibility of hoarding as a disorder has meant that city, county, and state officials are able to reach out to help these folks. Hoarding is most common in senior citizens, so a growing number of elder care departments are now including assistance for hoarders. Code enforcement officials are starting to offer services. Child protection agencies are getting involved, too, because of the numbers of adult children of hoarders who have testified that hoarding can cause neglect or abuse to children. In the final analysis, more people are able to get help for their hoarding, and that’s not a bad thing.
As for the constant “fear that people will perceive me and my family as being gross, crazy, or utterly disgusting”: you know what? Hoarding is a gross, crazy, disgusting disorder. You’ve already written about some of the filth you’ve uncovered as you’ve cleaned. That’s just the nature of the beast, and if some people perceive your family as being “gross, crazy, disgusting:, it’s because historically your family HAS BEEN “gross, crazy, disgusting”.
But you know what? The real shame is when you realize you’re being “gross, crazy, disgusting” and don’t try to change. You, at least, acknowledge the problem and are off to a tremendous start fixing it. The real question is: will your parents try to change their ways? You’ve talked a lot about your efforts, but I don’t hear much about what your parents are doing to try to come to grips with their hoarding. If they don’t, in a year’s time you’ll come home to find the house filled up again.
[Reply]
Mike Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I haven’t seen any evidence that “most fans” are sympathetic and have a hoarder in their lives.
What I see a lot are comments like those that plague the “Hoarders” fan page on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/Hoarders
The overwhelming majority of comments on that page show people who enjoy the spectacle, in the same way people are fascinated by the spiraling decline of celebrity meltdowns. And their language is not kind: lazy, crazy, and insane crop up more than a few times.
I’m not saying every fan is like that, but clearly a sizable portion of the show fanbase is like that. More than “a few trolls,” as implied in your remarks.
I think the problem with accepting language like “crazy” or “gross” is that it labels, compartmentalizes, and judges what is realistically a mental disorder. I think language like that gives people a little rush, a little sense of superiority.
It’s tough to sympathize when your mental language about hoarders implicitly writes them off as “disgusting” and “insane.”
There’s a disdain to that and disturbing elements of visceral pleasure at others’ misery.
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Sethra007 Reply:
September 8th, 2010 at 8:43 am
@Mike You write: “I haven’t seen any evidence that “most fans” are sympathetic and have a hoarder in their lives.
“What I see a lot are comments like those that plague the “Hoarders” fan page on facebook:
” http://www.facebook.com/Hoarders ”
You might try the official A&E Hoarders forums. You’ll find that the attitude is very different there than on the Facebook page.
“I think the problem with accepting language like “crazy” or “gross” is that it labels, compartmentalizes, and judges what is realistically a mental disorder. I think language like that gives people a little rush, a little sense of superiority. It’s tough to sympathize when your mental language about hoarders implicitly writes them off as ‘disgusting’ and ‘insane.’ There’s a disdain to that and disturbing elements of visceral pleasure at others’ misery.”
Sounds like a lot of baggage to hang onto those words. Sometime you simply call a spade a spade.
If a mental disorder results in a person hoarding, say , human feces (which has been documented–A&E Hoarders had a woman on who hoarded her own used adult diapers), why wouldn’t you call that activity “gross” or “disgusting”? When you see some of the lengths that hoarders go to to hoard–digging through other people’s trash, getting themselves tens of thousands of dollars in debt, losing custody of their children–the words “crazy” or “insane” may not be politically correct or considerate of the hoarder’s feelings, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t applicable, or accurately descriptive of your feelings about the situation as you try to deal with it.
[Reply]
Dariane Reply:
September 10th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Thanks so much for your insightful comment Sethra! It’s almost like a blog post all on its own!
You are right: there is a big difference between being okay with living in a disgusting situation and trying to change it. This is why I’ve come to terms with revealing this “secret” on this blog.
As far as the reality shows go, we have to take the bad with the good right?
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By the way, two articles you might wish to read:
http://www.salon.com/life/hoarding/index.html?story=/ent/tv/feature/2010/09/06/interview_hoarders
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/26/nyregion/26hoarder.html?_r=1&src=me
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I totally understand your hesitance to let others who know you know about your situation. I’ve only told some of my family and asked that they not share it with others, because I don’t want to deal with their judgment or potentially negative comments. Some of them have visited my blog, but none of them have read it in several months. I’m totally okay with that, but I also have their support. They all live hundreds of miles away, so they’re not coming over regularly or anything. That takes the pressure off a bit.
I haven’t told too many friends about being a hoarder. Only those I know I can trust. It was incredibly hard the first time I told anyone at all. I was nervous, sweating, and my heart was racing. So I just spit it out. It was easier the next time. Still, I’ve only told 8 friends, 3 of which live several hundred miles away. And I have had nothing but support from everyone I’ve told. I’m very thankful for that, because it’s hard to fess up. I’ve carried this secret for many, many years.
As far as the negative comments on the different message boards, be it Hoarders’ boards or Facebook or what have you, one just has to ignore them. There are a lot of trolls on the Internet who purposely look for ways to stir things up. Often, they’re teen and preteen kids thinking they’re funny, so it’s something to take into consideration. Don’t let anyone’s negativity derail your progress.
You’re worth more than that.
[Reply]
Sethra007 Reply:
September 8th, 2010 at 8:44 am
@Judy:
“As far as the negative comments on the different message boards, be it Hoarders’ boards or Facebook or what have you, one just has to ignore them. There are a lot of trolls on the Internet who purposely look for ways to stir things up. Often, they’re teen and preteen kids thinking they’re funny, so it’s something to take into consideration. Don’t let anyone’s negativity derail your progress.
“You’re worth more than that.”
*applause*
[Reply]
Dariane Reply:
September 10th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
It’s so hard to tell someone about this when you fear that it’ll change how that person perceives you for the worst.
With this site, I’ve passive-aggressively “outed” myself and my situation to people who are willing to listen. I’ve come to learn that there is a lot of support out there if you’re willing to accept it. You say it best:
“Don’t let anyone’s negativity derail your progress. You’re worth more than that.”
If you tell someone you care about about this situation and they think the worst of you, you can’t let that stop you from working out the issues. You don’t need that negativity.
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I have to admit, as a person who really struggles with clutter, organization, and housecleaning, the main reason I ever watched Hoarders was as motivation to keep cleaning. And the friend who turned me on to it is all about the spectacle.
But the overall attention hoarders are getting seems like the burst of media attention when people started coming clean about alcoholism – all the sudden, once you know about the disease, you see it everywhere and you spend a lot of time wondering if various people (or yourself) are over the line from “manageable slight overindulgence” into “disease”. But given a few decades, and a lot lot lot of people owning up to the compulsion and finding ways to manage it, and then it’s just another thing – oh, I’ve been sober X years, no thank you, yeah, we met in AA, I’m an Adult Child Of… it’s just a thing you share or don’t share, not this big awful secret.
Plus the effect on kids seems a lot the same to me, coming from my addict-ridden family. It’s like underneath, any mental illness a parent has, has pretty much the same effect on the kids.
[Reply]
Dariane Reply:
September 10th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Wow, I hadn’t thought of it that way. That is an excellent point! I hope that as the condition becomes more mainstream, people will be more accepting as you say.
[Reply]
Rosa Reply:
September 10th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
I hope so. Because the shame is a huge barrier to getting help. I have a friend I help with her house off and on, but I’m the *only* person she lets in, because I’m nonjudgemental about it.
Of course, the other barrier is we don’t really know what kind of help is helpful yet. But it does seem like psychologists are really trying to piece together workable therapies right now.
[Reply]
You write: The professionals featured on Hoarders are the perfect mix of intelligence, eloquence, patience and compassion (at least as they’re depicted).
I’m a professional organizer (who doesn’t specialize in hoarding situations, even though I’m trained to do so) and I know some of the organizers working on the show, such as Geralin Thomas. And the ones I know are truly the intelligent, eloquent, patient and compassionate people you see on the show – nothing phony about that!
[Reply]
Dariane Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
And I most certainly believe it!
I added the parenthetical because I thought it wouldn’t be fair to analyze the negative aspects I saw about the show differently than the positive (i.e., portrayals being manipulated).
But there is definitely an authenticity that those organizers have which simply cannot be denied or manipulated; their genuineness just seeps through the screen.
You sure are lucky to know and be one of them!
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[...] week’s Season 2 premiere of Hoarders and my post about the various effects of such reality shows has got me thinking a lot about the role reality TV is having on solving people’s [...]
My first intro to hoarding was reading about the Collyer Brothers when I was about 10. I remember being horrified, yet fascinated with the POTENTIAL in the piles of stuff. The cleaners found, IIRC, pianos and antiques and all kinds of treasures of value under the piles of trash and unread papers.
My mom had a weird thing when I was a child where she would just suddenly throw out stuff. If I was reading a book and left it to go to the bathroom, she might throw it out! Our house was small and NOT cluttered, but she still would purge and toss (usually OUR stuff) and we had no say. After leaving her house and abuse, I began to accumulate my own treasures. Due to life circumstances, I have lost almost EVERYTHING I own THREE TIMES. I have nearly nothing from my childhood, no pictures, few mementos. I now cling to those few items. But the damage done has caused me to cling too much.
For a while, before I was dealing with life, I WAS hoarding. I would go to library sales and buy books. Not a lot, but if I saw a torn scruffy title that I liked, I would “rescue” that book. I now know I do NOT have to rescue EVERY book, and do very little shopping in order to prevent bringing home clutter.
My house is cluttered and some rooms are FULL of things. Husband’s parents and grandparents, his first wife, and then his and my things fill this house UP. Because the house cupboards were already full, I had nowhere to put my own items, so they have sat in the garage for years. I’m finally preparing to dump most items, and am trying to figure out how to best do it.
We are both collectors with a tendency to overdo, but being aware is the beginning of curing! We both have collections of value, comic books and antiques, videos and dvds and signed first editions of books, art items, etc. Nowadays we are going after quality and things we REALLY like, not just trying to get the most of an item.
Truly, you DON’T have to “catch them all”!
I fight like mad against being a messy hoarder. It is so easy to get into, and can be DANGEROUS in sooooo many ways!
We can and do clean our main areas, dishes are washed daily, bathrooms are fairly clutter free and cleaned regularly, and I can dust and vacuum the 3 rooms we spend most of our time in. The doors to other rooms do close, but I know it’s time to dump some extra weight.
Thanks for your motivating and interesting blog!
[Reply]
[...] Netflix once suggested that I might enjoy Hoarders after I watched Precious and Babies. Try again, Netflix. (via) [...]