The Purge of 2010
Posted: July 21st, 2010 | Author: Dariane | Filed under: Blog | 27 Comments »My childhood home is a mess. Each room is filled with piles of stuff almost as tall as me. Often, the only way to get through is a narrow path just inches wide in the middle of the room. Other times, you have to step on or climb over things to get through a room. Then there are areas of the house that are just completely inaccessible.
How did it get this way? Probably through hoarding. Or compulsive shopping. Or both. Who’s to blame? I’m not so sure, but I’m testing out some theories. Who does it affect? My entire family, and the people closest to us. Even after I moved away to go to college, I could still feel the effects of growing up in clutter, of growing up in shame.
I’ve decided to stop sitting around waiting for things to get better. I’ve decided to clean my entire house.
Why ‘The Purge of 2010′?
There are several reasons that have brought me to make this decision and embark upon this project. Here are some:
- The house is becoming more and more unsafe.
- My family understands that the accumulation of clutter is a problem, but:
- We don’t have enough money to spend on hiring a professional organizer.
- My family is too ashamed to go on a show like Hoarders.
- My parents are growing more and more physically incapable to clean the whole house themselves (i.e. they’re getting old!), so their safety is even more endangered.
- I can totally do it.:
- I’m really good at organizing things. Maybe it’s a reaction to my house. I’m also physically capable.
- I really enjoy organizing. Notice the list and bullet points? Love it.
- I’m not some person outside of our family. I know there are some excellent professional organizers out there who help people who hoard, who understand the condition well and treat their clients with respect. But unfortunately given our financial situation and the unwillingness to bring someone else “in,” I guess I’m the next best thing.
- I’m done with feeling ashamed and with feeling the weight of this “secret.” As I start this project I figure if I share this project publicly and achieve my goal, then the source of shame will turn into a source of pride.
- And for some strange reason I feel that cleaning this house will help me overcome the issues that I’ve accumulated over the years, some of which came as a result of the clutter. For me organizing the literal mess of my house is also organizing the figurative mess of my life.
What exactly is The Stuff Project?
I’ve given myself TWO months to clean my entire 4-bedroom 2-bathroom house, I’m going to document it every step of the way and I’m going to share it here with you.
As I go along I’m expecting my ‘List of Things to Do’ to expand almost exponentially. I’ll find broken items that need to be fixed and various household problems that need to be solved. There will even be moments where I’ll just want to “finish” a room off by rearranging furniture, painting it, adding shelving, decorating or more. As such I’m setting some standards as to when I know my job is complete:
- All Floors and surfaces are cleared and visible. Light to medium clutter is relatively easy to manage (and imagine) for most people. But when you’ve got so much stuff that almost the entire VOLUME (length x width x height) of a living room is 80% full of stuff, seeing across a room let alone an entire floor space is a huge accomplishment.
- All doors can open fully and shut properly. Again this may seem like a small goal but we’ve broken enough closet and bedroom doors while trying to pry (or shove) a door open kept shut by clutter.
- When a house party is possible. This means that every room must be accessible. It’s been years since we’ve had anyone over to our house and it’s been even longer since we’ve hosted a party. I live in a small community where there is absolutely nothing entertaining to do and the highlight of any given weekend is to attend a family house party. So yes, I’d say that not having anyone over at my house when growing up definitely contributed to my social ineptitude.
- When 75% of our belongings are organized and in their place. Things need to be organized in order for us to find them when we need to use them. I anticipate that the remaining 25% of stuff not in its place will be items that we want to keep but dont have a place for it. For example, if I find that shelving in a bedroom closet is broken, we’ll need to repair it before we can put our things in it.
And that’s it.
I’d also like to say that I am NOT a professional organizer. I’m just someone who wants to clean the very messy house I grew up in. I don’t know whether or not someone in my family can be clinically defined as a hoarder or a compulsive shopper. Maybe they are. All I know for sure is that my house is messy, and I’m going to do what I can. If someone in my family is indeed a hoarder or compulsive shopper then I’m prepared for the likelihood that once I finish this project the house will become messy all over again. But when I finish the project my hope is that we will at least know that even the most overwhelming and frustrating circumstances can be overcome.
Right on, Dariane.
As an adult of Aspergian tendencies, I went on a similar tear through my childhood home and loved every minute of it. Something about reclaiming space lost to junk is unbelievably satisfying. We ended up sending over two tons of stuff to various charitable institutions and the dump and holding a series of garage sales. It took over two years and now that it’s over, I wish I had documented the whole process better, like you are. So again I say, right on.
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Dariane Reply:
August 15th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Thanks so much Jeffre.
It’s so awesome to know that’s someone else has been through this and succeeded. You’re on the other side and can live to tell about it! Congrats! :]
By all means, if you have ANY tips for me I would really appreciate it. I could sure use as much advice as possible.
Thanks again for your support!
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Way to go! \o/
(Being very disorganized& frustrated about it myself) I love what you are doing.
Especially many thanks for being honest about the temptations of ‘just wanting to do fun things’ and ‘Not seeing as much progress as you’d like’.
These are also my problems while trying to get organized& clean my house – it never seems to get any better.
The before& after pictures are a wonderful idea!
I’ll be reading your blog and will try to keep up. (NL)
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Dariane Reply:
August 15th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Thanks Christa!
I’m so glad that we can relate in terms of frustrations and temptations while cleaning.
Good luck on your organizing too!
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Dariane!
Does this mean you’re back home?
This is such an amazing idea, I wished I had thought of it when I moved back— because in reality, THIS WHOLE PROJECT YOU’RE DOING relates to one of the BIGGEST FACTORS that brought me back home– my cluttered childhood home.
It’s been more than a year since I’ve been back… and to tell you the truth, I’ve accomplished perhaps.. hmm.. about 25% of what I wanted done with my home.
(And that’s a pretty good thing, considering my circumstances.. which I can fill you in on later) But anyway, YOU AND I both know we have VERY VERY VERY VERY RIDICULOUSLY SIMILAR mothers… and needless to say, VERY VERY VERY RIDICULOUSLY SIMILARLY filled homes… I’m pretty sure if we walked into each other’s house one day, we wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. haha
But don’t let my 25% accomplishment discourage you… like you, I moved back with ONE plan– to clean up this mess. Unfortunately, UNLIKE YOU.. i didn’t have a detailed thought-out plan and assumed, that I had everything figured out and that this whole house would be turned inside out by the end of the year (at the latest). But I wished I had kept a blog or something that I could actually turn back to to keep me motivated. The first month was the best– I successfully created a livable living space for myself at the least… and cleaned out my whole living room– you KNOW that’s already an accomplishment… but then I got too comfortable w/ everything again, got into hanging out w/ friends too much, and prioritized my future planning (which realistically is very important)… but I wished I still put aside time to do all this that your’e doing… I would’ve definitely been done by now. And though my house is not at its best potential– with the help of my siblings and cousins I managed to get the exterior renewed this past summer and it’s been one of the greatest feelings so far (how sad lol)
Anyways, I dont even know what the heck I’m rambling about— but I just wanted to wish you the best of luck! UTILIZE your younger sister– you’d be surprised how willingly she’ll help you out with everything… she’ll want to spend so much time w/ you… and having her help relieves a lot of stress!
Perhaps I can even share a few photos w/ you… so you know you’re not alone in all of this! It can get very messy! Literally as well as mentally… so embrace yourself! You have a strong head on your shoulders, so I know you can do!! Handle it girl and See you around!
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Dariane Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Hey Jules, thanks for dropping by my site and leaving this comment! Yes I am home. We should most definitely catch up sometime. :]
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I noticed you’re Asian from the most recent post and then on this introductory post you explained your parents are too ashamed to be on a show called Hoarders. I guess traditional Asian parents tend to like to keep the dirty laundry private. Soo I just thought I’d ask, do they know you’re blogging it?
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Mike Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 9:07 am
Hey Linda, just thought I’d chip in re: “traditional Asian parents”
Hoarders, of all races, are almost universally ashamed of their living situation and don’t, in general, like to publicize it. People who go on shows like Hoarders are the exception, not the rule.
If you check out other blogs on hoarding, from children of hoarders especially, you can learn about the impact this has growing up, especially in forming childhood friendships. (“What do you mean I can’t come over?”)
Check out this piece on “Doorbell Dread” for more context:
http://nicechildrenstolenfromcar.blogspot.com/2010/02/doorbell-dread.html
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Dariane Reply:
August 16th, 2010 at 9:16 am
Great observation Linda! This topic would make for an excellent analytical blog post that I may or may not write in the near future. :]
I’ve often wondered myself just how much being Asian contributes to the shame my family feels about the house. I think it does have an effect, but only a very small one. Everyone who lives under these conditions feels a sense of shame, especially the families who go on shows like Hoarders or Clean Sweep.
And the answer to your question is: Not yet.
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Sethra Reply:
August 25th, 2010 at 8:23 am
FWIW, I’m African-American, and the sense of shame was there, too.
I wonder how much of hoarding might be learned behavior, myself. My mom’s brother is a far worse hoarder than she ever was–he has old cars piled up in his yard that he swears are ‘valuable’ even though they are rusted beyond all hope of repair. On my dad’s side all of his brothers and sisters are hoarders, but they manage to keep it confined to one space, usually a basement, tool shed, or old smokehouse in the backyard. Of course, they all grew up during the Great Depression, and were taught never throw anything away if there was a chance they could get it repaired or someone else could use it.
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I appreciate your posts. The tips, reflections, and progress reports are inspirational and helpful to me.
I will share some of your tips and techniques with senior aged friends who have expressed an interested in cleaning up their (hoarded) clutter. I can apply the concepts to my own clutter as I am downsizing my home at age 67 and dealing with a hoarder brother.
Thanks for the photos and humor. Needed the laugh.
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Dariane Reply:
August 17th, 2010 at 4:23 am
Thank you so much Gayle! Best of luck with your efforts!
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Hi Dariane! I just found your blog today from a post on the Friends-Of-Hoarders Listserv.
What a joy to see another blogger tackle this subject! I grew up in a hoarding house too, and it is certainly something that affects many aspects of my life – but something that my whole family is slowly healing from as we learn more about the disorder.
Not everyone accepts being called a Hoarder, especially now that the TV shows make it look so terrible, but I think even without that term when a family suffers from chronic disorganization and excessive clutter to the effect that they, (1) can’t invite people over, and (2) have piles that are at least waist high, (3) can’t use every room, or area of a room for its intended purpose, then its time to look for solutions.
The journey you are on is a difficult one. My sisters and I have made two trips back home to work on our childhood home, and we still have much more to do. I’ve blogged minimally about this, but have had trouble doing so because of not wanting to infringe on my mother’s right to privacy. I will be happy to share our experience with you in more detail, and I’ll do so as I read more of your blog. Please feel free to email me personally as well. I would venture that any hitches you experience – we’ve gone through as well.
Cheers!
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Dariane Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Thanks Jessica!
I can certainly relate; I am also living proof that a hoarding house is not only the cause but also the result of various psychological issues.
I have mixed feelings about those TV shows because on one hand the use a lot of shock & awe tactics to “other” the hoarder, but on the other hand they’re shedding light on an issue that hasn’t been addressed publicly this way before.
Best of luck with your mother’s home; maybe we can share some tactics. :]
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Dariane,
Mike just pointed me over to your blog and I have to say how impressed I am with what you’re doing. Stuff can be so overwhelming so to see you attacking– and dealing with some of the underlying causes of it– it’s just WOW.
I wish you much luck on the journey. Thank you for documenting it. I think you’ll inspire people along the way!
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Dariane Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:31 am
Hey Joz!
Mike has been sending my site all over the place, I’m glad he got a chance to send it to you to check out.
Thanks so much.
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Dariane,
I found your blog over at ifiwereahoarder.com.
I was intrigued, as I just realized back in January that I am a hoarder and decided to do something about it. I knew that I had struggled with getting rid of things for years, but I didn’t know what it was called or why I was struggling so much.
I looked the web over for blogs having to do with dehoarding, but it seemed that most were abandoned. I was hoping that someone had a blog I could read, so I could somehow maintain motivation to work on my own mess. So I’m glad to see your blog. I’ll be reading regularly.
Best of luck,
Judy
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Dariane Reply:
August 19th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Hi Judy!
First of all I want to say that while admitting to yourself that you’re a hoarder is great, deciding to actively do something about it is absolutely incredible. In that decision alone I can tell that you have a great attitude that will enable you achieve your desired outcome.
I also felt disappointed to find many abandoned blogs about hoarding, but there are a few new ones that are really interesting. I just hope that I can contribute something useful to the community.
Although it’s great to read about hoarding and organization, the most important thing is to apply what you learn daily. You can only read so much about something. It isn’t until you’re living and breathing it that what you’ve read becomes useful.
Good luck!
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Dariane! I randomly clicked on the link that appeared on your gmail account, and I relate so much to your project. I spent almost a year slowly clearing one big room that had everything from papers, to toys, old cans, I even found a mouse in there! We still have tons of stuff, and about a month ago I also started documenting my progress (so if you ever need a guest post, haha). Great job, clear the floors so you can dance salsa again.
saludos,
Daniel
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Dariane Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Daniel! I miss you! I might just take you up on that guest post offer. :p How’s the progress going?
Next time you’re around, we gotta go dancing. :]
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Dariane, I just want to say MORE POWER TO YOU and you are in my prayers!
I grew up with parents whom I describe as ‘near-hoarders’–they would hoard, but every couple of years they would get sick of it and go on a big de-cluttering/clean-up spree. Then it would slowly creep back over time.
Unfortunately, they were in the hoarding part of the cycle when my mom died and my father had to enter a nursing home, so I’ve had to clean out their house by myself. It taken me over two years, but I’ve managed to do it and am now down to the last few boxes and some furniture.
A bit of advice–whenever possible, donate, donate, donate. I decided to keep track of the stuff I donated to Goodwill last year, and I was able to claim over $7000.00 worth of charitable deductions (see http://www.itsdeductible.com for a great online tool to help you keep track). That can really help you recoup some of the expenses you’ll incur as you de-clutter and repair.
Good luck and God bless!
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Dariane Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Thank you so much for sharing Sethra and congrats on cleaning the house out! And thanks for the link, I definitely plan on donating a lot too.
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Hi! I am a Professional Organizer and I’m impressed that you’ve taken on this project. I’ll be following your progress.
Good luck and – you can do it!
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Dariane Reply:
October 21st, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Hi Jennifer! Thanks so much!
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[...] example, for this project I set the following [...]
So did you finish in two months?
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[...] embarked on the incredibly daunting task of cleaning my childhood home, what I called “The Purge of 2010.” My goal was to clean at least 75% of the house in hopes that I would help my family and [...]